Earl Has Issues

As you all know, I've been having issues with Earl lately. He just refuses to let me sleep. Some nights are better than others, but even if I don't get woken up every hour on the hour with his shenanigans, I can usually count on him waking me up some time between 4 and 5 am. Sometimes I don't really mind. Especially if it's more towards 5 am. But most times it's a huge pain in the ass.

What does he do? Anything that makes noise. He likes to make the blinds clatter against the window. Or, bat at pictures that hang on the wall (N had a fabulous suggestion to prevent this. Two nails inconspicuously placed on either side of the picture and it totally works!). Scratch at the closet doors until they open. ANYTHING THAT MAKES NOISE. This way, mama wakes up, and he's got what he wants.

Last Sunday night was the final straw. I seriously was up every hour or so. When I'd get up to yell at him, he'd wind his way around my legs purring the whole time. "Wow. What are you doing up? Did I wake you? Since you're up, let's play!" Um, no thanks. I'd prefer to sleep.

Monday morning I called the vet. I found this place online that specializes in cats, the Cheshire Cat Clinic. They seemed knowledgeable on the phone. I made an appointment for Friday morning.

Getting Earl into his carrier wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I only had to chase after him once. (You should have seen the scratches on this poor woman I saw at the clinic. Her kitty was not happy about going into her carrier. Poor lady was beaten and bloodied.) I was a little worried that he'd come crashing out the bottom since he probably exceeds the weight limit of the flimsy cardboard carrier I got at Petco when they were kittens and could both fit in one! So, I carried it not by the handle at the top, but from the bottom. I could just see the bottom falling out and me chasing Earl down the street. That would not be good.

We made it to the vet's office in one piece with minimal yowling. I got him into the exam room and let him out. He was actually very well behaved. He even let them stick a thermometer up his butt. He was shedding like crazy, as he tends to do when he's stressed.

The doctor, who was very nice, poked and prodded at him. Apparently his knees click in some weird way. She was concerned with this, me not so much. The knee clicking is not what's keeping me up at night. Also, I should be feeding them wet food, something about crystals in his urinary tract. And, Earl is a wee bit overweight. Fat boy.

So, what did she say about Earl's hyperactivity? He's bored. Confined to a small space. And he sleeps all day while I'm gone. She suggested kitty dvds with birds and rodents on a constant loop while I'm gone. She also suggested a gargantuan kitty condo, and I say absolutely not. I love my babies, but not enough to live with a kitty condo in my bedroom. I am only inches away from becoming a crazy cat lady. A 6 ft tall kitty condo in my bedroom would only hasten the transformation. At that point I may as well start shuffling around in a ratty cardigan and slippers, eating cat food out of a can.

But the best suggestion ever? Perhaps Earl is anxious. And what he really needs is Paxil. Or, even better? Xanax! OK, if Earl had a prescription for Xanax, I can guarantee you that not one of those pills would make it into that cat's mouth. Seriously, I'd be poaching those things left and right. And Paxil? No thank you. I'm not putting my cat on an anti-depressant. I may be an almost-crazy-cat-lady, but I'm not sure I believe in cat depression.

One thing she did suggest that I tried last night was half a benadryl at bedtime to make him drowsy. She showed me these little salmon flavored treats that are "pill pouches". You put the pill in the pouch, seal it shut and voila! Kitty will totally eat it. Um, yeah right.

I tried it with Earl last night. First, with the pill pouch. He ate everything but the pill. Then, I tried peanut butter, again he ate everything but the pill. I gave up without much of a fight. I didn't think that trying to wrestle that pill into his mouth was going yield anything but me ending up frustrated and bleeding. So, I decided to take my chances with an unmedicated kitty.

And? I was up at 4. Luckily, he settled down relatively quickly, and I was able to sleep until 7:30. I will try to find the kitty dvds. And I'll keep trying the pill pouches with benadryl.

Perhaps I will get myself a Xanax prescription.