At Least I Still Have All My Teeth

So my latest internet love is a guy we'll call J. He seems like a really nice guy. A little bit older than me. Lives part time locally and part time in Central America. He loves to surf. And the best part is he's as tall as he said he was! Yay!

We went out on our first date a couple of weeks ago. Went to my new favorite bar by my house, which by the way, the people who work there must think I am the biggest ho in the neighborhood. I think I've been to the bar with each and every one of my internet dates. Some have gone better than others. The bar employees may have seen me making out with various of my dates. Yet I keep going back. It would seem that I cannot be embarrassed. Plus I like the bar. Even though they have horrible service. But anyway...

J and I had a great time. We never ran out of things to talk about. I found out some very interesting things about him, which I'm not sharing here, but interesting! He's super cute. And tall. Did I mention tall?

Day after the date, J leaves to go back to Central America. He's going to be gone for 2 weeks. So, in that time we have been emailing with each other, not daily, but frequently. Nothing too personal, mostly, how are you? What have you done today? That kind of stuff.

A few days ago, I get an email from J that says, "Any decent new leads in your search? I came across this one girl who is dying of cancer, like within the next 5 years almost for sure. She's very interesting though. Quite an unusual circumstance for sure. Got anything better than that?"

What the hell do I say to that? So I replied, "Oh, I so have you beat! First, how sad for the girl dying of cancer. I'm not sure what to make of that. If I had cancer and was terminal I'm not sure if I'd be looking to get into a relationship. But maybe I would. I just don't know.

Anyway! I got an email from a girl! First of all, to be fair, she said she is a woman looking for men, but came across me in some weird convoluted way and wants to be friends. I actually thought it was kind of cute. And then! I got an email from a gay guy. He wants to take me on a manhunt, but only if I let him pick out my shoes. Ha. I'm not sure your (very sad, sincerely, I mean it) cancer girl tops a girl and a gay!" I think I'm being funny and witty.

Cut to a few days later, and, I being a girl, just cannot help myself. I have to ask, "What about your cancer girl? (I feel weird calling her that, but not sure what else to call her?) Will you meet her when you are in town?"

And his reply, "I probably will meet up with my cancer girl (yeah, there has to be a better way to speak of her, her name is B). I'm kind of digging her quest for an epic romance before she goes. I think I need to know more. She's no Moo, but I'm interested in checking her out."

What the hell? What do I say to that? I mean seriously! How is a girl with a normal life expectancy supposed to compete with Tragic B and Her Epic Quest for One Last Love? In my crowd a normal life expectancy and lack of any chronic afflictions is really a plus, not a minus. I kind of felt like writing him back and telling him about my chronic dry skin. Or that the fact that I still smoke could some day lead to cancer. See! I can be Cancer Girl too!

On the other hand, I also wanted to write to him and sell him on how healthy I am. I still have all my own teeth (except for the ones they removed when I got my braces, but still!). I won't be losing my hair any time soon! Can you say that about Cancer Girl? (OK I know that is incredibly mean and insensitive, but bear with me.) But all of that is silly. I know that I should celebrate and cherish my health, and I do.

I guess what kills me is that I immediately went into this whole competitive mode. It's like an instinct that cannot be controlled. It is one of my least admired traits in myself. I tend to be competive with other women when it comes to men. Give me a mediocre guy and I say "Meh...", but give me a mediocre guy with another woman interested in him and I'm all "Must Make Boy Love Me! Now!"

Not that I think J is mediocre. I still don't know enough about him to know. But I can tell you this; when I do see him next week it will be with both eyes open. And I will not be asking any more questions about B. I can't take the competition.

P.S. Regarding the gay guy who wants to take me on a manhunt, only if he can pick out my shoes? After several emails back and forth, (with a quiz even!) I'm still not convinced he isn't a straight guy with a shoe fetish.