Does This Blog Make My Ass Look Fat?

Before you start grumbling and groaning, I'd like to point out that even us smaller girls feel fat sometimes. Now is one of those times for me. Allow me to vent?

I'm not sure if it's the holiday season, or the fact that it's freaking cold out (50 degrees is chilly, people), my diet and exercise motivation seems to have vanished (poof!) these days. Case in point? My cute pink gym bag has made the trip to work and back home with me 3 days in a row without once seeing the inside of a gym. I mean at least I'm optimistically packing it up each morning with every intention of hitting the gym each evening, but intent will not stop the spread of my booty. Nor will intent keep my thighs from rubbing together. Or stop the muffin top from oozing out over my jeans.

You know what also doesn't help? The pallet of goodies that is delivered to my office each day as "gifts" from all of our vendors. Don't get me wrong. I am grateful for all of the goodies, but it doesn't help my will power to have all manner of chocolate and cookies within constant reach. (My favorite of all the gifts? White chocolate covered Oreo cookies. My coworkers and I eagerly await our annual tin of chocolate covered Oreo cookies every year. And with each day that it doesn't arrive we get more and more indignant. It is our due! Where are our cookies? Must have cookies.)

Right now we are quite literally almost drowning in popcorn. We have every type of popcorn known to man in our office. Nacho cheese covered, butter flavored, chocolate caramel, chocolate peanut butter, kettle corn. You name it, we have it. Luckily, popcorn is not my favorite holiday treat. Now if it were tortilla chips? That would be a different story. (I love me some tortilla chips. Plain. With salsa. With nacho cheese. I do not discriminate. Mmmmmm. Tortilla chips.)

Today, one of our clients was kind enough to buy our whole office lunch as a holiday thank you. Bronx Pizza. The best pizza in all of San Diego, if you ask me. Is 3 ginormous pieces too much? Hmmm... I'm still not hungry and lunch was 6 hours ago.

So, what to do? Cut myself some slack? It is the holidays after all. Or do I re-commit myself, try to ignore all of the goodies, and drag my lazy ass to the gym every day? I guess the best approach is moderation. Try not to be too hard on myself, try to resist all the tempting goodies, and go to the gym. Now where the hell are those Oreos already?

Hi! I'm Back...

Hi! I'm still alive and kicking. I know, it's been a long time, but truthfully, I haven't felt much like writing till now. I've been going through a lot both personally and professionally, and frankly, writing about it felt like it would make it seem worse. I live a lot inside my head, and while letting those thoughts out can be cathartic at times, sometimes, I just want to avoid it all.

Anyway, I'm feeling better. Probably because I'm taking steps forward both personally and professionally.

First of all, I've started praying. I know my brother, who is a subscriber to this blog totally just snickered at that and wonders if I'm turning into a Jew for Jesus. No, I have not accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior (no offense to those who have). The messiah has not come for me, yet. But, I am taking some time each night to quiet my mind and give thanks to God (or whoever or whatever is up there) for my blessings. And then I'm asking him for fame and fortune in return.... Kidding! I ask for strength, faith, and hope in return. I ask to be open to possibilities. And it seems to be working. Just giving myself quiet time to be thankful and mindful each evening helps me face the next day with some hope and faith.

Secondly, I've finally decided to take the plunge. I'm applying to law school, people! Yep. I can hardly believe it myself. If all goes as planned, I will be graduating at the ripe old age of 41, but as my mom put it so succinctly, I'll be 41 no matter what. I can be 41 with a JD behind my name, or I can just be 41. My choice.

I've begun the process of applying to school. Requested transcripts, begged people to write letters of recommendation for me, and today, I wrote the first draft (a very rough draft) of my personal statement. I wrote about my long road to this point and what it means to finally decide to work at what is my passion. Totally weird concept for me. The example set for me by my parents was that work was just that... work. It's not something you particularly enjoy, you just do it because you have to. And while I like my job well enough, I keep coming back to this idea that there is something more to life than transitioning financial advisors. There is, isn't there? I mean, if that's my big contribution to this world, then I'm afraid the world is in trouble and the messiah may be closer than we all think.

So, yeah, I'm going to law school. I'm scared to death. I'll be hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt (And 41! Did I mention I'll be 41?!?!?) when I'm done. I feel like I'm taking a huge chance without much of a safety net. But I'm hopeful and excited at the same time. I can't wait to begin my studies. Knowing me, I'll be the nerdiest law student to ever have nerded in the history of law school. I'll keep you all posted on my progress. XOXO

Public Service Announcement

Ahem...

Tap, tap, tap...

Is this thing on?

Hello? Anyone there?

I'm baaaack! And I come bearing gifts. Well, one gift really. Knowledge. Knowledge is power, people.

As you may know, I took a trip earlier this month. Went to Bluffton/Hilton Head Island, SC, (to see N) and Homossassa Springs, Fl (for my nephew's wedding). Now, I may not be the smartest girl in the world, but normally, you couldn't pay me to go to the South in August, but I had events to attend. I didn't get to pick the dates.

Having lived briefly in Florida, for a time, I was well aware of the perils of humidity and the havoc it can wreak on one's hair, specifically my hair. My hair gets all crazy in humidity. Some of it gets wavy, the rest of it frizzy. It's not a pretty picture. I had even told N there was no chance I could ever move to SC because I would be ugly a good portion of the year.

I arrived in SC during the hottest, most humid week of the summer. But! I arrived armed to fight AND win the war against humidity and frizz. And, you will not believe me when I tell you this, but, I won! I freaking won!

How, you ask? I was armed to the gills. Armed with this and this!

OMG! Can I just tell you? The best stuff to fight frizz ever. We were outside in all manner of heat and humidity and my hair totally held up. It didn't get bigger. It didn't frizz. It didn't curl.









The proof is in the pudding, people. The picture above is from my nephew's wedding in Florida. Notice the smoothness and sleekness? All thanks to Matrix Sleek Look. (And, no, they're not paying me, but they totally should be.)


Fool Me Once, Shame On You, Fool Me Twice Shame On Me, Fool Me a Third Time. And... Oh Hell

I haven't had a date since February. Sigh. Almost 6 months. I'm seriously considering dipping my toe back into the online dating pool. (I've also been seriously considering selling my panties on Craigslist to make extra money, but that's whole 'nother story.)

I was reading an article on CNN.com today about online dating and I felt a kind of yearning. And then I remember how much work it is. And I realize that it would also mean I'd actually have to check my personal email daily (sorry, if anyone has emailed me there recently).

But, then I also remember how exciting it can be to check your email to see if someone cute has emailed you; only to find that dreaded email from some tool titled "Hey, Pretty Lady" and get slapped in the face with reality. But! It can be fun.

I came thisclose to signing on to Match tonight, just to look. But, when I went to sign-on it asked me if I wanted to "reactivate" my profile and I panicked. I clicked cancel.

I'm really conflicted about the whole thing. I'll put it out to you, all 6 of you. (That never gets old. Six people reading my blog is 6 more than I ever thought, and very cool, but, it's also kind of funny in a sad kind of way.) What should I do? Reactivate? Dip my toe? Jump in head first? Help.

Good News (So Far)

Just got off the phone with the Dr. ZBM's office. No weird fungal infection for Meredith! Almost all the tests came back normal. She may have crystals in her bladder, which could mean a change in diet, but so far, she's ok.

I say "so far" because she's still ambulating (new word I learned from Dr. ZBM) abnormally. It got really bad Wednesday night/Thursday morning. But right now? She's playing like a kitten with a crumpled up receipt in the bathroom.

Dr. ZBM recommends a neurology consult. Who knew they had kitty neurologists, but they do.

Meredith and I both thank you for your positive thoughts and prayers. Keep 'em coming.

Meredith

My poor little baby girl is sick. It all started Friday night. Every few minutes Meredith's back legs would just sort of give out on her. She'd try backing up, or turn around in a circle and then just flop over. I thought it was kind of weird, but thought I'd wait and see how she did in the morning. But by Saturday morning she wasn't any better.

I took her in to the vet on Saturday and of course she didn't do it once while we were there. He said to just keep an eye on her over the weekend and if it got worse or didn't get any better to bring her back in.

Well, Sunday was the worst. She kept just sort of falling over. And the look on her face when it happens is just heartbreaking. She just looks terrified.

By Monday morning I was a wreck, worried sick about my baby girl. I called the vet as soon as I got to work to set up an appointment for Tuesday. I spent most of the morning in tears. The just not knowing is the worst.

So, I brought her in to the vet this morning. Let me tell you, I now understand why some people become vets rather than doctors. Dr. ZBM (Zero Bedside Manner- who's name I can't remember and who I'm sure is a very nice person, I mean she takes care of animals, but seriously, she has very limited people skills. I kept trying to make jokes about Earl having the place to himself for the morning and throwing a party. Nothing.) poked and prodded a very unhappy Meredith. It was decided that bloodwork and x-rays were in order and I'd have to leave Mer there for an hour or so.

Dr. ZBM called me almost exactly an hour later saying something had shown up on Meredith's x-ray. A spot on her spine that looks like it could be a fungal infection; cryptococcosis, which is spread by inhaling spores from pigeon poop. (Yet another reason to hate pigeons. Stupid rats with wings.) Unfortunately for me, Dr. ZBM is one of those doctors who doesn't like to speculate. Because I am a worrier, I live for speculation. I find that if I go down the road and make myself aware of any potential diasters I'm not so surprised when the disasters actually happen. This is probably not the most healthy way to be, and likely causes me unnecessary worry, but it is who I am. I am a worrier.

Anyway, Dr. ZBM was unwilling and/or unable to answer any questions until she has a radiologist look at the x-rays and gets the results on Meredith's bloodwork.

So now we get to wait. Hopefully, we will have some answers by the end of the week. Please say a little kitty prayer for sweet Meredith.

P.S. This was such a crappy day. I left my wallet at the vet's office and I got a parking ticket. Tomorrow will be a better day, right?

Who Does That?

Oh, do I have a story for you. But the story requires a confession on my part. OK, here goes... I've been smoking again. For a couple of months. Sorry to disappoint, it is what it is, and there you have it. Anyway, this information is sort of vital to the story.

Saturday morning I woke up pretty early and made some coffee. Around 7 am I decided it would be nice to go downstairs to the courtyard and have a smoke with my coffee, I'm somewhat ashamed to say, it's my favorite smoke of the day. So I headed downstairs, and as I rounded the corner to the courtyard I heard voices. When I got out there, guess who was there? Cash, the weird guy who never remembers me, and 3 others.

They were all clearly on the wrong side of 7 am, as it was quite apparent they hadn't been to bed yet. Or if they had been to bed, they certainly hadn't been to sleep. (I really can't throw stones or cast aspersions about being on the wrong side of the early morning. I've totally been there. God knows I've been there. It's been a while, but you know, it happens.) It's worth noting that every time I see Cash, I'm fairly certain he's on the wrong side of the morning.

Anyway, one of the people with him was this girl, in a robe (I'm pretty sure it was the same robe I've seen Cash wearing) that barely fit her, straining as it was against her ginormous boobs. I couldn't help but stare at them. Seriously, they were the biggest boobs I've ever seen in my whole life. (I'm fairly certain they were also the biggest boobs Cash had ever seen in his whole life, given her state of undress in his robe and the fact that he was wearing nothing but a pair of shorts, no shirt. And let me tell you, he should not be walking around shirtless in public.)

Clearly I did not avert my eyes quickly enough because somehow I caught her attention and she decided to come over to where I was sitting to visit. She sat down, as close to me as she possibly could without sitting on top of me, and proceeded to try and carry on a conversation. (I kept trying to look at her eyes to see if they were dilated, because I am convinced that Cash is a total coke-head.)

At some point she noticed my cup of coffee sitting on the picnic table. "Oooh, coffee!" she said. "I love coffee!" And with that she proceeds to pick up my cup of coffee and begin to drink it!

"Oh and it's a dark roast. I love dark roast!"

I was pretty much horrified. Here I am trying to enjoy my coffee and cigarette, mostly minding my own business, aside from the morbid curiosity with the size of this girl's boobs (I'm not exaggerating when I tell you they took up her whole upper body, from her shoulders down to her waist. And I'm pretty sure they were real!) and she comes and drinks my freaking coffee. The nerve.

I decided to make a hasty, yet still polite, exit. I briefly considered leaving the coffee for her and probably would have had it not been in one of K's cute mugs. And yes, I dumped out the coffee and put the mug in the dishwasher as soon as I got up to my apartment. All weekend long I kept thinking, I cannot believe that girl drank my coffee! Un-freaking-believable. Who does that?