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I'm kind of crabby today. It's been 4 days since my date with J, and I've barely heard from him. I say barely because we spoke on Tuesday (he called me, then I called him back later), and he's emailed me a couple of times (about Facebook for God's sake), but hasn't made contact since I replied to an email of his this morning.
I rue the day I ever told him about Facebook. I'm on there throughout the day at work (I know, but they don't seem to mind) and every time I saw that he was online (And not emailing me! The nerve!) it was like a slap in the face.
When we spoke on Tuesday, we had tentatively made plans for this weekend. J wasn't sure which night he would have his daughter and I said Saturday would work better for me. Since then? Nothing. Except for stupid questions about Facebook. Lame.
What is it about a guy that can turn a relatively well-adjusted girl like myself into a compulsive cell phone/Facebook/email checker? Seriously! When I don't have a man in my life I'm totally fine. I don't worry about who's calling, who's emailing, blah, blah, blah. Throw a guy into the mix? And I'm all "Why isn't he calling? Where is he? Is he out with Tragic B?" Ugh.
And I can't help but second guess myself. You know? I think about the "number" conversation we had the other night and wonder "Did that turn him off?" Or how I told him that I had a date on Wednesday night, but I wasn't too interested in going. (Which, by the way, I didn't mean it in a "You are the love of my life now, J. I shall never date another." kind of way. I meant it in a "It's freaking Wednesday, who wants to go out with a guy, who quite frankly, looks kind of sweaty in his photos?" kind of way.) But of course, I think J took it to be the former. Plus! The guy who looked kind of sweaty in his photos? Never even called me for our date. How's that for karma?
So here I sit, on a Friday night, trying to decide between cleaning my house (thrilling!) or catching up on my reading (slightly more thrilling!). Wondering why it is I can't seem to make it past that increasingly crucial second date. What the hell?
P.S. I think the cleaning is going to win out. That way I can blast angry music and scrub out my aggression. Hee hee.
I had my date with J the other night. We went to a bar in his neck of the woods. It was so good to see him again. Yes, he's as cute as I thought he was. He still seems fairly normal. I'm almost certain that he's not an axe murderer or con-man. Just a regular guy. An awfully cute one at that.
As the evening wore on and the drinks loosened us up, inevitably, our conversation turned to s-e-x. I was reminded of a story from my past that I shared with J. Why I shared it, God only knows, but I did.
Many years ago (good lord, 16 years ago to be exact!), I was dating K. I had chased after K for almost a year. We worked together, and from the moment I met him I was in lust (which looking back on it is so weird, seriously, K is not a guy one would lust after). After workin' it for months, finally, I got my man. K was 6 years older than me, which, if you're doing the math means I was 20 and he was 26. He seemed so old and worldly at the time.
We had been dating a few months when one night we had "the conversation". You know the one. The one where you stupidly disclose how many partners you've had. A conversation no woman should have with any man under any circumstances other than in the broadest of terms. "Are you a virgin?" "No." "Any diseases I should know about?" "No." "OK." I mean, in my opinion, this is as much conversation as one should have on this topic.
But back then I did not know this. I was 20 for God's sake. So when K asked, I answered. And I lied. (I brought the number down. I'd had an early start and I at least knew enough to lie.) Well, apparently I didn't bring the number down quite enough for K's liking. The conversation did not go well. I couldn't for the life of me understand why he was so mad. I mean all of it had happened long before I had ever met K. And, I reasoned, the past had made me the woman (ha! at 20?) I was and didn't that mean it was ok?
Apparently not.
K and I survived that night. But we didn't last too much longer. The lesson I learned that night has stayed with me until this day. Unfortunately though, by sharing that story with J I sort of opened a whole new can of worms.
As we were leaving the bar the other night, J asked me "the question". It seems that by sharing the K story I had piqued his curiosity. I was like a deer caught in headlights. I froze. Not knowing what to do, I told him. The truth. (Which you will never get out of me here, I'd like to keep some semblance of privacy, sort of. I think up until now only N knew the real truth.) And, honestly, J seemed ok with it. But of course, now I'm second guessing myself.
So, I'm throwing it out to all 4 of you who read this. Do you tell? And if you do, do you tell the truth? Or do you fudge your number?
J is finally back in town after a couple of weeks in Central America. We have a date tonight and I'm really looking forward to it. I'm all nervous. Having one date, then waiting two weeks for the next date, it's almost like starting at the first date all over again. What will we talk about? Will he find me interesting? Will I find him interesting? Is he as cute as I remember him to be?
I really like J, despite his morbid fascination with Tragic B and her Epic Quest for One Last Love. (I really ought to trademark that.) He's cute (if my memory serves me correctly) and witty, and seems so far to be a fairly normal guy (again, morbid fascination aside).
I mean, aren't we all kind of weird? Those of you who know me, even a little bit, know that I have my own idiosyncracies. For example:
- I prefer to use a certain set of towels for my shower. To the extent that I might put off showering if those towels are in the dryer, even though I have several other completely acceptable sets of towels to use.
- I am an early riser, but so not a morning person.
- I love Rice-A-Roni. It's the San Francisco Treat.
Anyway, I spoke with J this morning, and apparently he has not heard from Tragic B in a while. Hopefully we'll have a good time tonight and once he gets a second look at Healthy So Not Tragic (not even close) Moo, Tragic B will be but a distant memory.
