I've got a lot on my mind lately. Most likely because I'm so bored at work. I worry that the boredom is eating my brain. By the time law school starts my brain will look like Swiss cheese.
Anyway, one of the things on my mind is my serious lack of motivation these days. I have fallen so far off the work out wagon recently that the wagon is over the hill and around the bend, and I'm going to have to chase it down to climb back on it.
Admittedly, I've had a lot going on the past couple of months, enough to knock anyone off their workout schedule. Between the LSAT, moving, and Earl's illness, it's been a lot. And then, last week I had a cold.
I finally started feeling better over the weekend and I told myself this was the week! This was the week I'd get back to the gym. But no matter how hard I try I cannot seem to get there. Every morning I tell myself I'll go after work and every evening I tell myself I'll go in the morning. It's gotten so that even I don't believe myself.
The kicker is, I know how good it will feel once I go. Endorphins are a wonderful thing. Unfortunately, at 5 am, endorphins aren't enough to get me out of my warm, cozy bed. So, perhaps if I put it in writing, on the internet, for all to see, I will finally get my lazy ass out of bed tomorrow morning and go to the freaking gym.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Ugh.
Ennui- [ahn-wee, ahn-wee, Fr. ahN-nwee] noun a feeling of utter weariness and discontent resulting from satiety or lack of interest; boredom
Yep, that pretty much describes how I feel right now, right this very moment, here at work. Ennui. It has become my new favorite French word, 2nd only to accoutrement.
Work is so totally and completely DEAD. In my almost 5 years here, I’ve never seen it this bad. And the thing of it is, it doesn’t look like it’s going to get much better in the near future, particularly for me. I already have one foot out the door.
Even under the best of circumstances, I’d be antsy. Even if I was a busy little beaver at work, I’d be counting the days until I could leave this all behind. (Hmmm… Maybe that can be my next task, count the days. Perhaps I can set about finding a way to install a countdown clock on the blog.)
Anyway. I feel like I’m withering away here. Not physically. Mentally. Nothing interests me. I’m convinced I’ve come to the end of the internet. I don’t even have the energy to make this blog entry half interesting.
Yep, that pretty much describes how I feel right now, right this very moment, here at work. Ennui. It has become my new favorite French word, 2nd only to accoutrement.
Work is so totally and completely DEAD. In my almost 5 years here, I’ve never seen it this bad. And the thing of it is, it doesn’t look like it’s going to get much better in the near future, particularly for me. I already have one foot out the door.
Even under the best of circumstances, I’d be antsy. Even if I was a busy little beaver at work, I’d be counting the days until I could leave this all behind. (Hmmm… Maybe that can be my next task, count the days. Perhaps I can set about finding a way to install a countdown clock on the blog.)
Anyway. I feel like I’m withering away here. Not physically. Mentally. Nothing interests me. I’m convinced I’ve come to the end of the internet. I don’t even have the energy to make this blog entry half interesting.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Bi-Polar Week
Last week was one of incredible highs and incredible lows. Let's start with the highs, shall we?
I got accepted to law school! Plus, they're giving me a scholarship! Fifty percent tuition for all 3 years, as long as I maintain a certain GPA. Woo hoo! I'm so excited and can't wait to get started.
Unfortunately school doesn't start until August. Philosophically, I am against wishing one's life away, even though it's an activity I participate in regularly (I can't wait until Friday etc...). But in this case I feel justified in saying, can it just be August already? I've essentially checked out of my job in my head. I've spent the last few days trying to work out how I can afford to quit my job N-O-W. I mean, I have access to enough money that would get me through the next 4 months, but the responsible thing to do would be to keep working until the very last minute. But... 4 months worth of relaxing and doing a whole lot of nothing sounds so freaking good.
Anyway, not to toot my own horn (toot toot), but I'm pretty dang proud of myself. Getting into law school is an accomplishment all it's own, one I was up until recently, never sure I could accomplish. Again, can it just be August already?
On to the incredible low... Some of you may know from my Facebook page that Earl has been sick for a while now. Back in February, I had to rush him to the emergency vet and it turned out he had a urinary tract blockage not uncommon in male cats. A week in the hospital and 4 thousand dollars later I brought him home.
Bringing Earl home was a challenge in and of itself. Meredith was not happy to have him back. He smelled like the vet as far as she was concerned, there was a lot of hissing and spitting. But after about a week it was like they had never been separated.
Well, it's been 4 weeks since we brought Earl home from the hospital and he hasn't gotten any better. I've had him at the emergency vet and my regular vet several times over the last 4 weeks and nothing has worked. I have become really good at giving a cat a pill. (The secret? Sit on 'em.)
Last Thursday it started to become really clear we were nearing the end of the road. Friday morning I took Earl in to the vet and we decided it was time to let him go. My sweet boy was put to sleep Friday, March 26th.
Meredith and I miss our boy so much. I just can't believe that he's not here with us. When I've had some time and space from the whole thing, I'll put together a post about all the awesome things about Earl. Suffice it to say, I absolutely will miss him to pieces. And he was the coolest cat ever. (Sorry, Meredith, but it's the truth.)
Some days are better than others. Today was not such a good day. I found myself sitting at my desk at work crying. So I came home and took a nap with Meredith.
I was hesitant to sit down and write this post. A.) because it's been so long since I last wrote and B.) because I just didn't know what to say. I guess I was hoping for some catharsis. And I'll just say it again...
I miss my boy.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Happy New Year! Bring on 2010!
Holla! It's 2010!
I spent New Year's Eve with Mearl, no booze, not even champagne. I decided that I didn't want to start the New Year with even a slight hangover. Had I opened a bottle of champagne I would have been compelled to drink the whole thing and hello, hangover. So, I was in bed by 10 pm. Such is the fabulous life I lead.
Among the fabulous, fun things I did last night was to make a list of New Year's Resolutions. I don't usually subscribe to the notion of New Year's Resolutions, but this year, I decided that I'd set some goals for myself and do all that I can to achieve them.
The theme for the year is health; fiscal, physical, mental, and spiritual.
1. Create a budget and stick to it.
This one is going to be a little bit difficult. I'm not necessarily a spendthrift, but I also don't tend to deny myself much. Hence the embarrassingly high balance on my Visa card. But this year I intend to keep to my budget. No more impulse purchases on iTunes.
2. Workout more consistently.
I actually created a pretty set schedule for myself to follow for this one, but I won't bore you all with it. Suffice it to say, my goal is to workout 6 days a week. But, knowing myself, I'm giving myself some wiggle room here. Six days is the goal, but if I can make it 4 days a week, I will consider it a success.
I plan on keeping track, with photos and weight charts. Haven't decided if I will share those here yet. Might be too embarrassing.
3. Wash face and floss teeth nightly.
OK, this makes me sound gross. But I'm not always the best about washing my face or flossing my teeth nightly. I always take off my makeup and brush my teeth, but cleansing and flossing, not so much. I'm lucky if I floss every other night. So, anyway, I plan to do this each and every day. Wish me luck.
4. Study for the LSAT.
This one is actually pretty easy. I've already started studying. A lot is riding on this test and the higher the score I get, the better my chances of getting a scholarship, which means less debt when I graduate.
I'm a little bit overwhelmed with all of the studying. Some of the stuff on this test is kind of ridiculous. I'm hoping that all of this studying will pay off with a good score and lots of free moolah.
5. Pray nightly. Give thanks.
As I've said before, I've never been much of a pray-er. I've begun to do this recently, and it's certainly helped. Mostly to remind me that I have much to be thankful for.
6. Stop being so hard on myself.
I tend to beat myself up about stuff. I'm going to make an effort to be kinder to myself. I once had someone point out to me that we often say things to ourselves that we wouldn't say to our friends. Shouldn't we treat ourselves at least as well as we treat our friends?
7. Live by the mantra "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
I think I might hang this on my bathroom mirror. It's a good mantra to live by and one that I think will come back in enhanced karma.
So, there you go, internet. My New Year's Resolutions. Happy New Year to all of you! Here's to a healthy, happy New Year for everyone. We all deserve it.
XOXO
I spent New Year's Eve with Mearl, no booze, not even champagne. I decided that I didn't want to start the New Year with even a slight hangover. Had I opened a bottle of champagne I would have been compelled to drink the whole thing and hello, hangover. So, I was in bed by 10 pm. Such is the fabulous life I lead.
Among the fabulous, fun things I did last night was to make a list of New Year's Resolutions. I don't usually subscribe to the notion of New Year's Resolutions, but this year, I decided that I'd set some goals for myself and do all that I can to achieve them.
The theme for the year is health; fiscal, physical, mental, and spiritual.
1. Create a budget and stick to it.
This one is going to be a little bit difficult. I'm not necessarily a spendthrift, but I also don't tend to deny myself much. Hence the embarrassingly high balance on my Visa card. But this year I intend to keep to my budget. No more impulse purchases on iTunes.
2. Workout more consistently.
I actually created a pretty set schedule for myself to follow for this one, but I won't bore you all with it. Suffice it to say, my goal is to workout 6 days a week. But, knowing myself, I'm giving myself some wiggle room here. Six days is the goal, but if I can make it 4 days a week, I will consider it a success.
I plan on keeping track, with photos and weight charts. Haven't decided if I will share those here yet. Might be too embarrassing.
3. Wash face and floss teeth nightly.
OK, this makes me sound gross. But I'm not always the best about washing my face or flossing my teeth nightly. I always take off my makeup and brush my teeth, but cleansing and flossing, not so much. I'm lucky if I floss every other night. So, anyway, I plan to do this each and every day. Wish me luck.
4. Study for the LSAT.
This one is actually pretty easy. I've already started studying. A lot is riding on this test and the higher the score I get, the better my chances of getting a scholarship, which means less debt when I graduate.
I'm a little bit overwhelmed with all of the studying. Some of the stuff on this test is kind of ridiculous. I'm hoping that all of this studying will pay off with a good score and lots of free moolah.
5. Pray nightly. Give thanks.
As I've said before, I've never been much of a pray-er. I've begun to do this recently, and it's certainly helped. Mostly to remind me that I have much to be thankful for.
6. Stop being so hard on myself.
I tend to beat myself up about stuff. I'm going to make an effort to be kinder to myself. I once had someone point out to me that we often say things to ourselves that we wouldn't say to our friends. Shouldn't we treat ourselves at least as well as we treat our friends?
7. Live by the mantra "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
I think I might hang this on my bathroom mirror. It's a good mantra to live by and one that I think will come back in enhanced karma.
So, there you go, internet. My New Year's Resolutions. Happy New Year to all of you! Here's to a healthy, happy New Year for everyone. We all deserve it.
XOXO
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Making Progress
This whole law school application process is, well, it's a process. It seems to take forever. I know you don't just get to wake up one day and decide to go to law school. (Which is the way I've made some of my best decisions ever. Hello? Moving to Tahoe? Total impulse decision.) But good Lord, does it have to take so long? I got an email from N today that said "Are you in law school yet?"
The good news is that I'm making progress. I just, literally moments ago, finished my personal statement. It's pretty good, if I do say so myself. I mean as good as personal statements can be. Nobody really likes writing a "Please, Please, Please Pick Me... Oh, and P.S. Give Me Lots of Money Too" essay. I tried to infuse mine with my own unique bloggy style voice, not that it's that unique. Hopefully, it will work for me.
Also, I know for a fact that 2 of my letters of recommendation were sent out yesterday. And, all of my transcripts have arrived and been processed. Turns out I'm pretty smart too! Honestly, it's all looking pretty good. As long as I do well on the LSAT in February, I should be well on my way. I guess that means I should get crackin' on that studying.
The good news is that I'm making progress. I just, literally moments ago, finished my personal statement. It's pretty good, if I do say so myself. I mean as good as personal statements can be. Nobody really likes writing a "Please, Please, Please Pick Me... Oh, and P.S. Give Me Lots of Money Too" essay. I tried to infuse mine with my own unique bloggy style voice, not that it's that unique. Hopefully, it will work for me.
Also, I know for a fact that 2 of my letters of recommendation were sent out yesterday. And, all of my transcripts have arrived and been processed. Turns out I'm pretty smart too! Honestly, it's all looking pretty good. As long as I do well on the LSAT in February, I should be well on my way. I guess that means I should get crackin' on that studying.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Does This Blog Make My Ass Look Fat?
Before you start grumbling and groaning, I'd like to point out that even us smaller girls feel fat sometimes. Now is one of those times for me. Allow me to vent?
I'm not sure if it's the holiday season, or the fact that it's freaking cold out (50 degrees is chilly, people), my diet and exercise motivation seems to have vanished (poof!) these days. Case in point? My cute pink gym bag has made the trip to work and back home with me 3 days in a row without once seeing the inside of a gym. I mean at least I'm optimistically packing it up each morning with every intention of hitting the gym each evening, but intent will not stop the spread of my booty. Nor will intent keep my thighs from rubbing together. Or stop the muffin top from oozing out over my jeans.
You know what also doesn't help? The pallet of goodies that is delivered to my office each day as "gifts" from all of our vendors. Don't get me wrong. I am grateful for all of the goodies, but it doesn't help my will power to have all manner of chocolate and cookies within constant reach. (My favorite of all the gifts? White chocolate covered Oreo cookies. My coworkers and I eagerly await our annual tin of chocolate covered Oreo cookies every year. And with each day that it doesn't arrive we get more and more indignant. It is our due! Where are our cookies? Must have cookies.)
Right now we are quite literally almost drowning in popcorn. We have every type of popcorn known to man in our office. Nacho cheese covered, butter flavored, chocolate caramel, chocolate peanut butter, kettle corn. You name it, we have it. Luckily, popcorn is not my favorite holiday treat. Now if it were tortilla chips? That would be a different story. (I love me some tortilla chips. Plain. With salsa. With nacho cheese. I do not discriminate. Mmmmmm. Tortilla chips.)
Today, one of our clients was kind enough to buy our whole office lunch as a holiday thank you. Bronx Pizza. The best pizza in all of San Diego, if you ask me. Is 3 ginormous pieces too much? Hmmm... I'm still not hungry and lunch was 6 hours ago.
So, what to do? Cut myself some slack? It is the holidays after all. Or do I re-commit myself, try to ignore all of the goodies, and drag my lazy ass to the gym every day? I guess the best approach is moderation. Try not to be too hard on myself, try to resist all the tempting goodies, and go to the gym. Now where the hell are those Oreos already?
I'm not sure if it's the holiday season, or the fact that it's freaking cold out (50 degrees is chilly, people), my diet and exercise motivation seems to have vanished (poof!) these days. Case in point? My cute pink gym bag has made the trip to work and back home with me 3 days in a row without once seeing the inside of a gym. I mean at least I'm optimistically packing it up each morning with every intention of hitting the gym each evening, but intent will not stop the spread of my booty. Nor will intent keep my thighs from rubbing together. Or stop the muffin top from oozing out over my jeans.
You know what also doesn't help? The pallet of goodies that is delivered to my office each day as "gifts" from all of our vendors. Don't get me wrong. I am grateful for all of the goodies, but it doesn't help my will power to have all manner of chocolate and cookies within constant reach. (My favorite of all the gifts? White chocolate covered Oreo cookies. My coworkers and I eagerly await our annual tin of chocolate covered Oreo cookies every year. And with each day that it doesn't arrive we get more and more indignant. It is our due! Where are our cookies? Must have cookies.)
Right now we are quite literally almost drowning in popcorn. We have every type of popcorn known to man in our office. Nacho cheese covered, butter flavored, chocolate caramel, chocolate peanut butter, kettle corn. You name it, we have it. Luckily, popcorn is not my favorite holiday treat. Now if it were tortilla chips? That would be a different story. (I love me some tortilla chips. Plain. With salsa. With nacho cheese. I do not discriminate. Mmmmmm. Tortilla chips.)
Today, one of our clients was kind enough to buy our whole office lunch as a holiday thank you. Bronx Pizza. The best pizza in all of San Diego, if you ask me. Is 3 ginormous pieces too much? Hmmm... I'm still not hungry and lunch was 6 hours ago.
So, what to do? Cut myself some slack? It is the holidays after all. Or do I re-commit myself, try to ignore all of the goodies, and drag my lazy ass to the gym every day? I guess the best approach is moderation. Try not to be too hard on myself, try to resist all the tempting goodies, and go to the gym. Now where the hell are those Oreos already?
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Hi! I'm Back...
Hi! I'm still alive and kicking. I know, it's been a long time, but truthfully, I haven't felt much like writing till now. I've been going through a lot both personally and professionally, and frankly, writing about it felt like it would make it seem worse. I live a lot inside my head, and while letting those thoughts out can be cathartic at times, sometimes, I just want to avoid it all.
Anyway, I'm feeling better. Probably because I'm taking steps forward both personally and professionally.
First of all, I've started praying. I know my brother, who is a subscriber to this blog totally just snickered at that and wonders if I'm turning into a Jew for Jesus. No, I have not accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior (no offense to those who have). The messiah has not come for me, yet. But, I am taking some time each night to quiet my mind and give thanks to God (or whoever or whatever is up there) for my blessings. And then I'm asking him for fame and fortune in return.... Kidding! I ask for strength, faith, and hope in return. I ask to be open to possibilities. And it seems to be working. Just giving myself quiet time to be thankful and mindful each evening helps me face the next day with some hope and faith.
Secondly, I've finally decided to take the plunge. I'm applying to law school, people! Yep. I can hardly believe it myself. If all goes as planned, I will be graduating at the ripe old age of 41, but as my mom put it so succinctly, I'll be 41 no matter what. I can be 41 with a JD behind my name, or I can just be 41. My choice.
I've begun the process of applying to school. Requested transcripts, begged people to write letters of recommendation for me, and today, I wrote the first draft (a very rough draft) of my personal statement. I wrote about my long road to this point and what it means to finally decide to work at what is my passion. Totally weird concept for me. The example set for me by my parents was that work was just that... work. It's not something you particularly enjoy, you just do it because you have to. And while I like my job well enough, I keep coming back to this idea that there is something more to life than transitioning financial advisors. There is, isn't there? I mean, if that's my big contribution to this world, then I'm afraid the world is in trouble and the messiah may be closer than we all think.
So, yeah, I'm going to law school. I'm scared to death. I'll be hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt (And 41! Did I mention I'll be 41?!?!?) when I'm done. I feel like I'm taking a huge chance without much of a safety net. But I'm hopeful and excited at the same time. I can't wait to begin my studies. Knowing me, I'll be the nerdiest law student to ever have nerded in the history of law school. I'll keep you all posted on my progress. XOXO
Anyway, I'm feeling better. Probably because I'm taking steps forward both personally and professionally.
First of all, I've started praying. I know my brother, who is a subscriber to this blog totally just snickered at that and wonders if I'm turning into a Jew for Jesus. No, I have not accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior (no offense to those who have). The messiah has not come for me, yet. But, I am taking some time each night to quiet my mind and give thanks to God (or whoever or whatever is up there) for my blessings. And then I'm asking him for fame and fortune in return.... Kidding! I ask for strength, faith, and hope in return. I ask to be open to possibilities. And it seems to be working. Just giving myself quiet time to be thankful and mindful each evening helps me face the next day with some hope and faith.
Secondly, I've finally decided to take the plunge. I'm applying to law school, people! Yep. I can hardly believe it myself. If all goes as planned, I will be graduating at the ripe old age of 41, but as my mom put it so succinctly, I'll be 41 no matter what. I can be 41 with a JD behind my name, or I can just be 41. My choice.
I've begun the process of applying to school. Requested transcripts, begged people to write letters of recommendation for me, and today, I wrote the first draft (a very rough draft) of my personal statement. I wrote about my long road to this point and what it means to finally decide to work at what is my passion. Totally weird concept for me. The example set for me by my parents was that work was just that... work. It's not something you particularly enjoy, you just do it because you have to. And while I like my job well enough, I keep coming back to this idea that there is something more to life than transitioning financial advisors. There is, isn't there? I mean, if that's my big contribution to this world, then I'm afraid the world is in trouble and the messiah may be closer than we all think.
So, yeah, I'm going to law school. I'm scared to death. I'll be hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt (And 41! Did I mention I'll be 41?!?!?) when I'm done. I feel like I'm taking a huge chance without much of a safety net. But I'm hopeful and excited at the same time. I can't wait to begin my studies. Knowing me, I'll be the nerdiest law student to ever have nerded in the history of law school. I'll keep you all posted on my progress. XOXO
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