Fragile

I went to the doctor today specifically to talk to him about how crazy stressed out I've been and to get some help. (In the form of medication. I could so be a pill popper if I let myself.) It wasn't until I said it all out loud to him (very calmly, I might add), without crying or anything, that I realized really how bad things have gotten so quickly. I guess I can be kind of thick.

I don't want to go into too many of the details here, because, seriously? So boring and complicated, and nobody really wants to read about they why's and how's. Suffice it to say, it has been brought to my attention that in recent weeks I've been thisclose to losing my job. And thanks to having friends in the right places, so far, I've managed to hang on by the skin of my teeth.

The ironic and so completely frustrating part of all of this is that in the past month or so I have received more positive feedback from the clients I've been dealing with than I have in the almost 4 years I've been with the company. So, being told there will be no raise for you this year, and really, Missy, you're here only by the grace of God, seriously, sending mixed messages. No wonder I can't sleep.

I will admit, I have never been a model employee. I think I am one of those people who has the potential to be so much more than I have the discipline (and temperament) to be. (Hmmm. I don't recall my report cards saying that I wasn't living up to my potential. Or the dreaded "Moo isn't applying herself." There was that serious homework avoidance problem in the 3rd grade. And I still have awful "I didn't go to class all quarter now there's a big final" college dreams. What does it all mean?)

My delivery and disposition apparently could use a lot of work. (They tell me I can be prickly. Funny, I thought I was just being myself.) And unfortunately, in spite of (and I'm sure to the great disappointment of as well) the aforementioned friends in right places, I've managed to piss off all the wrong people. Not really a good combination. For right now, luckily, the friends in the right places have trumped the pissed off wrong people. But! Who knows how long that can hold out.

Add to this crappy mess, a "retreat" in Boston for our whole department next week. We're supposed to bond with the rest of our bi-coastal team. (I'm giving up the better part of my weekend to fly cross country for a 24 hour retreat.) I'm not sure I've got it in me. For reals. I feel like I'm about to break wide open. (And there goes my eye. Twitching. Great.)

The funny thing is though, that despite all of this; the mixed messages, the implicit (and explicit) threats of losing my job; I still believe in this company. I still believe that it is one of the best places I've ever worked. It makes me sad to feel like I'm failing so miserably.

Exhausted

I think I'm stressed. Ugh. Do you see what time it is? I can't sleep and although Earl woke me up (at 3 am), he's not the reason I'm awake. Work is totally stressing me out. And I keep trying to come up with something funny to write about, but it seems that the funny eludes me at 4 am.

Nothing funny has happened to me in such a long time. I have not seen any bums pooping recently. No crazy boys have stalked me. I haven't walked into any glass doors. Even my own mother is giving me nothing to work with here. Have I completely lost my sense of humor? Has the universe stopped mocking me? Because if it has, I don't like it. I much prefer it when I've got the funny on my side. Universe? I'm officially asking you to send me the funny.

Coachella Co-Rocked!

Coachella was awesome. We had the best time. But it was freaking HOT. Most of our daylight hours were spent in search of shade. Luckily, shade was pretty easy to find at the 2 stages we frequented the most.

My favorite bands? Drive By Truckers, Thievery Corporation, Band of Horses, and Jenny Lewis.

I absolutely LOVED Thievery Corporation. It was impossible not to move while they were on. Seriously. Everyone was either dancing or at the very least, bobbing their heads. I was really impressed. I didn't expect them to sound so good since they are kind of an electronic/world sound kind of band. But they rocked. Perry Farrell even came out and sang a song with them. And what I learned from that? Perry Farrell can't really sing. I mean he sounds ok w/ Jane's Addiction and Porno for Pyros, but I don't know. He just sounded kind of awful to me. But, what do I know?

My number one, all-time favorite of the day? Jenny Lewis. She's the lead singer of Rilo Kiley, who I also love. She recently released her second solo disc, "Acid Tongue", which I highly recommend. She put on an amazing show. I just did not expect her to be so good. We were really close to the stage, so as my brother pointed out, it felt really accessible and intimate. Seriously, people. Buy yourselves the Rilo Kiley album "Under the Blacklight" and "Acid Tongue". You will not regret it. Jenny Lewis is my new girl crush.

We had our only celebrity sightings at the Jenny Lewis set. Spotted on the side of the stage; Reese Witherspoon & Jake Gyllenhall, and Justin Long. I'm sure Drew Barrymore was with him because I heard she was there. I just couldn't see her from where I was standing.

The last band of the day, The Killers, kind of sucked. They sounded weird, kept getting louder then softer. I think it may have been the fact that we were really far away, and not in the thick of the crowd. A lot of a live show is the energy around you. Also? By the time The Killers came on at 10:45 pm, we were exhausted. We had been there since 11:30 that morning, and it was hot. Have I mentioned how freaking hot it was??? HOT.

My only regret is that we were not there on Friday to see Paul McCartney perform. Everyone I spoke with said that he was simply amazing. He played for 2 1/2 hours. And it was the 11th anniversary of his wife Linda's death, so, I heard it was also a very emotional show.

I also heard Morrissey sucked. Apparently, he pitched a bitch fit because he could smell "flesh" cooking. Hee hee. The main stage was right by one of the food court areas. Saturday night I did notice the distinct aroma of steak. Personally? I thought it smelled good. Morrissey, not so much.

Let me tell you, though, I am so glad we did not camp. As I said over and over to the various people we met throughout the day, I don't camp. Plus, oy gevalt, it was hot. And dirty. And all the people who were camping were dressed weird. Faux-hawks with feathers; tribal style body painting. And can someone please tell me what's up with the sunglasses with the obnoxious colored frames? I hold M.I.A. responsible for that one.

Anyhoo, all in all, I'm glad we went. I'm not so sure I would do it again. (Seriously, the heat. It could kill someone. Have they not considered having it a few weeks earlier in April?) But I'm glad I can cross Coachella off my list. Check.

Good Day/Bad Day

How about a rousing game of Good Day/Bad Day? It's fun, I promise. Here's how we play; for every bad thing that happened today (and I may include various things that happened yesterday as well. It's been a rough couple of days people.) I will try to come up with a good thing that happened. Ready?

Bad: On my walk home today, I saw (with my very own eyes, which will never recover) a bum taking a crap in a tree planter. Seriously! Right around the corner from my house! And he wasn't even crouching down or trying to be inconspicuous. He was pretty much standing up as straight as he possibly could while still pooping.

Good: I worked out with T today. He measured me to see what kind of progress I've made and... drumroll please... I've lost an inch and a half off my waist AND 2% body fat.

Bad: I also lost an inch off my boobs.

Good: I got a really nice shout out from a client I'm working with right now that went out company wide.

Bad: My boss' boss really kind of sucks right now. She didn't even acknowledge the shout out I got. The woman sucks. Right now? I hate her.

Good: Because we are so busy at work, they've hired a couple of new people in our department. Which really is huge, and says a lot about the strength of the company I work for. One of the people they hired? Someone else to do the same job as me. Again, a totally good thing. It will be nice not to have to meet with every prospect that comes throught the door. It will be nice not to have to handle every single client my office works with. Really.

Bad: They didn't tell me they were hiring me a colleague. Until the guy had accepted the position. You know how my boss' boss told us? Via email. Five minutes before she left for vacation. And the topper? My immediate boss didn't even know they hired this guy. She was on vacation last week, and her boss went and hired him. Behind her back. But I shouldn't read anything into that, right? I mean that's not a total vote of no confidence on my boss, right? Ugh. (Sorry for the rant. I'm sure none of this means anything to you all, but just take my word for it when I say it's a total bummer.)

Good: Did I mention the 2% body fat? The inch and a half? Oh. Um? It's a three day weekend? Yay! A three day weekend. Thank you, Jesus for resurrecting this weekend and giving me Good Friday. I need the extra day off.

Bad: I have this God awful ingrown hair on my bikini line. It is painful. I attempted minor surgery on myself last night, but it was unsuccessful.

Good: Overall, life is good. I am a happy girl. I have a job. And kitties! I have kitties! And good friends. Thanks for listening to me complain.

Sometimes, Things Just Work Out the Way They're Supposed To

Last week I mentioned to you guys that I had some plans for this past weekend that could either turn out really good or really bad. Well, it just so happens that it turned out really good. Better than could have been expected. Really. I couldn't have scripted it better myself. And now that I've built it up to be so huge, get ready for the big let down, 'cause it's not really all that exciting.

I saw the ex-boyfriend, M, for the first time in a year and a half. Yup. Sure did. And when they say that happiness is the best revenge... (Or is it looking totally hot next to his sad-sack schlump of a girlfriend? I forget.) ...they're right.

Here's how it all went down. R & M, Facebook friends of mine (of course, right?), who I know from my time with M, invited a bunch of friends to come watch R's band play on Saturday night. I really wanted to go because the whole time M and I were together, R's band never played. They were "on hiatus". I'd always wanted to see them play live. There's is one of the few country albums that M had that I actually liked, rather than just tolerated. (No offense, C.) I RSVP'd knowing that M and his schlumpadink girlfriend would be there.

I spent Friday evening preparing myself, beauty-wise. I got my eyebrows tinted and waxed. I tanned. I had a pedicure. I was determined to look GOOD.

Saturday night, my friend Z and I made our way to the bar. I had filled her in on all the details of course. M wasn't there yet when we got there. R was the first person I saw. I told him I was a little bit nervous about coming and he assured me it would be fine.

A little while later as I was making my way to the bathroom, it happened. The run-in. It's still weird to think that I hadn't seen him since October of 2007. I felt like I had just seen him the day before. He was still strangely familiar to me. Maybe I expected him to seem like more of a stranger? I don't know. And all that anger I felt toward him? Kind of gone. Well, mostly. We hugged. I gave him a kiss on the cheek. He said it was good to see me and I agreed. Because, really, it was good to see him. I told him I wanted to meet his new girlfriend. He was not super excited about the idea, but said "Have at it. She's right over there."

So, what did I do? I pretty much marched myself right over to her and introduced myself.

"Excuse me?" I said. Blank stare.

"Are you Schlumpadink?"

She looked at me like I had two heads. I continued to introduce myself. I was determined.

"I'm Moo."

Still no response from Schlumpadink. (Like she didn't know who I was? Right.)

"M's ex-girlfriend?" I offered.

"Oh." She said weakly.

I went on to explain that I had asked M to introduce us and he had begged off. As this was pretty much a one-sided conversation, I cut it short, wished her a good night and went on my merry little way.

All that unpleasantness out of the way, I proceeded to have a GREAT time. The band was fantastic. We sang. We danced. I got to see old friends I hadn't seen in forever. It was so much fun!

M & Schlumpadink? Not so much. I noticed her glaring at me several times over the course of the evening. M watched me like a hawk. I tried not to let it bother me.

(Can I just tell you though? She really was schlumpy. Stringy blonde hair. Kind of chubby. And worst of all? Or, best of all, I should say. I know for a fact girlfriend is the same age as me and she looks much older. Ha.)

All in all the evening couldn't have gone any better. I made my point. I'm pretty sure M now knows for certain that I am better off without him. And perhaps, that point was also made just a little bit clearer to me as well. The only thing that is bothering me I guess is this...

If I'm such a catch, why is it that he's happily coupled (assuming they're happy) and I'm still single?

P.S. Just for the heck of it, I'm going to let Earl steal a little bit of my thunder here. I couldn't resist. It's just too cute.

What? You mean I shouldn't be in the dishwasher?